August’s IWSG – Discouraged

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Many Thanks to my friend, Patricia Garcia, who invited me to join the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, started by Alex Cavanaugh. Now, all I have to do is come out of hiding in my insecure world.

I have noticed that despite my intention to work on some of my stories that I have not opened Word on my computer to even look at my stories for quite some time… like at least May.  So WHY…??

Discouraged

Ok, I’m human.  I’m discouraged.  I can’t concentrate.  This is the first effort I have made to write anything since last month’s IWSG posting.  The good news is that this post made me finally figure out what the problem is and why I’m in such a deep, dark hole.  You know what… I’ve been displaced.

Back in May my husband and I moved from a three bedroom, 2,000 sq. ft. home into an 800 sq. ft. apartment as my husband became seriously ill so I’m caregiving.  Also, I do a great job of being Humpty Dumpty too, so we just could not keep up the home thus we had to downsize.  Mostly, I feel comfortable in the apartment, but what I realized is that we had to give up “MY writing space,” my privacy, and my corner of the world.  I had a desk in a corner of our family room that looked out over a gully and Miller Bay.  I was surrounded by nature, the osprey nest in the top of the fir tree that looked like a space ship had crashed landed.  The bald eagles swooped down to grasp the salmon during spawning season.  Even the Easter bunnies charged across the lawn looking for my delectable flowers to munch on.

But now I am facing the living room wall with the TV behind me.  Yes, I’m surrounded with pictures of my grandchildren, and fun sayings like “Do what you love and happiness will follow” and “Something wonderful this way comes!” but I feel uprooted, stranded, and lost.

Discouraged1

Discouraged2The comfort, joy, and inspiration that I enjoyed evaporated.  Determination is inherent in my soul, so now I’m remembering that it is TIME to dig it out especially when my calendar for August 1 reads “Do what you can with what you have, where you are.”  Hmmm, is that a subtle hint or what!

Today I received a reminder from Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” with the question, “What am I doing to inspire my inner artist?”  Actually at the moment, I feel more like I crashed into a concrete wall after going 100 MPH on my tricycle.

Now, I have no more excuses except to figure out a plan, sit down and glue my butt to the chair and get to work.  I need to find inspiration and my way again, in my new home.  I CAN do this!

Discouraged3What do you do to inspire your writing?  Does your mind automatically flow in interesting directions?  Or even how do you take a personal story that deserves to be told to fictionalize it?  Where does your guiding light come from?

Discouraged4

 

 

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About Gwynn Rogers

After 20 years of sales and marketing experience in the fields of real estate, high tech, and corporate travel, Gwynn has moved on to the career of “Grandma.” When not teaching her granddaughters an extensive vocabulary of “alley-oop-boop, ups-a-daisy, cowabunga or bummer”, Gwynn can be found hunting for mentors for the Kitsap Youth Mentoring Consortium, or chasing her fantasies on her treadmill. Gwynn currently freelances for magazines.
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22 Responses to August’s IWSG – Discouraged

  1. Mary Jo Doig says:

    Surely, your transition is not an easy one. Understanding it and writing it all down is a great start in helping you get back into your writing chair. Wishing you more insights to write about and work your way through.
    Mary jo

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Hi Mary,

      Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog. I love your wise words and support. I do feel like I have been in a 100 car wreck with lives spilling out all over. Slowly, life is improving. Plus, there for a while I was working at finding magazines for publishing some of my stories and I felt I couldn’t find the right place OR even any place for my stories… so I gave up too. I do need to climb back up on my horse and get moving.

      2016 is a “9” year… an ending. So hopefully, 2017 will be my NEW beginning! Fresh starts and fresh stories will come my way. Hugs and thanks for being out there.

  2. pat garcia says:

    Oh Gwynn, my dear,

    Especially when situations are coming at us from every direction, we feel overwhelmed. It will take time to get used to your new home, but that will happen. It will also take time to find your ideal place to write in your new home, but that will happen too. You will adjust, but not overnight.
    I meditate on scriptures in the Bible but that doesn’t mean that everything is hunky-dory immediately. I have to really make myself do things. I start out with no, I don’t want to do that but as I begin to do what I need to do, something clicks, a light comes on and I start moving in the direction I want to move in. Although slowly, I move.
    So hang in there. The fact that you wrote your article is a great step and I am proud of you.
    Shalom aleichem,
    Patricia

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Talking to you and my other friends HELPS!! I start seeing the problems and what I need to do to get going again. I so appreciate YOU!

      Also, I left a note on your blog that somehow I missed this month’s question about our first published pieces. My first short story was published in 2009/2010 in I LOVE CATS. Then Rita Reynolds, a friend of Tammy’s, published some of my four short cat stories in 2014 and the others this year. So I am published… I just need to work harder and find the right place for my type of stories… OR change my style!

      I have read recently books that were based on fact but fictionalized. I wonder if I can learn to do that too? See, another challenge! Keep up YOUR diligence too! I’m cheering for you!

  3. Stephen Tremp says:

    Hi Gwynn, these are challenging times but you are showing courage and everything good that defines being a great human being. And you have the support of the IWSG!

    Stephen Tremp
    IWSG Co-Host August 2016
    Breakthrough Blogs

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      I’m chuckling, Stephen. Thanks for your support! Now this “great human being” needs to get busy and kick into action again. I have things I want to accomplish, but I’m not sure of how to get from Point A to Point B.

      As I told Pat, I have had five short stories published since 2009. I have a couple of family stories I feel need to be told. I probably need to edit them and “show” more rather than “tell” OR learn to fictionalize them. But I don’t see myself as a fiction writer, so I would need to do a GREAT DEAL of changing then.

      Anyway, sooner or later… hopefully sooner, I’ll get back on my horse and kick into gear. I may be “discouraged” but “determination” is also part of my name and mindset.

      Thanks for Co-Hosting the IWSG and for your support!
      Gwynn

  4. Gwynn, it’s been such a tough year for you. You’ve had many major changes in your life, so be gentle on yourself. Congratulate yourself for writing this post and getting back up again. It’s hard to do sometimes.

    You mentioned The Artist’s Way…and that means artist dates! Make sure you’re having some fun. Maybe you can take paper and pen outside somewhere to write, or bring in a few fresh flowers to inspire you.

    Mostly, though, hang in there and cut yourself some slack. It’s normal to grieve right now. I’m sure I will do some of that when I leave Port Townsend, even though I’m making the choice willingly and not because I have to.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Yes, life definitely HAS been exciting this year. 2016 is a “9” year, which in numerology means the end. I’m praying this is the end of all the trouble and something GOOD comes our way.

      Yesterday, I went to the U of W to have my right hip and right knee x-rayed. The good news is that my knee is OK… just getting old. My hips however are in trouble. My right hip has moderate to severe osteoarthritis and the left hip is only moderate osteoarthritis. Since I don’t want surgery, IF I can avoid it, they gave me some shots in my hip. Now, I wish they had put shots in both hips. I walked today and I probably could have walked my five laps instead of three, but it was too hot.

      So besides dealing with John, I have to deal with me. My doctor told me that it was CRITICAL to take care of me FIRST! I usually do… thus my walks and talks. So, as they say “One step at a time!”

      I do need to make more effort to get to my writing though. I am good at finding excuses!

      Yes, when you leave Port Townsend it will be interesting to hear whether you do grieve and miss the town. Heck, I don’t want you go have too much fun in NYC!! I will miss having you close though! Thanks for being a friend and a wonderful supporter!

  5. I feel for you! I’m very similar w/needing my ‘comforts’ around me in order to feel grounded. But you’re right, you can find new inspirations where you are now. And I wouldn’t beat yourself up too bad, we all need time to process change. It’s never easy!

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Thanks Leandra! This has been one HECK of a year. I felt like I was drowning for a good portion of the year. I’m doing better, but I have not healed. I don’t want the changes to beat me down, but I guess I haven’t given me enough oxygen yet. I’m definitely grieving as I don’t think my husband will ever be normal again. I mostly write memoir and personal stories, so I suppose if I put my thinking cap on, I’ll actually have a great deal of fodder to chew on! I do need to have someone take away my whip though! Thanks for your positive thoughts and support!

  6. Jenni Enzor says:

    It sounds like it’s been a tough year and a tough few months. It’s hard for me to write when real life is coming at me. Sometimes writing in my journal works better than working on a project when my emotions are high. I think what others have said about being patient with yourself is good too. 2014 was like that for me as a I lost two close family members. My writing slowed down a lot and this year, I’m finally had something ready to submit again.
    I do hope you find another special place for you to write. (I’ve been making do with the living room couch for years–but someday, I hope to have a spot again.)
    My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Jenni, this year I feel like I’ve become roadkill! I was broadsided by my husband’s illness, caring for him, and moving. I don’t know IF he will ever be normal again… maybe not. My serenity and peace were stolen. I think it comes down to the issue to STOP making excuses and sit down to write…something… anything. Hopefully, something other than just the IWSG posts. Maybe, I literally have to change my mindset, or simply adjust to my new quarters. However, I’m glad to hear about your experiences with writing as it is nice to hear that I’m not alone. This has been a TERRIBLE year for me. I’m looking forward to SOMETHING good happening again. Thanks for your support, and I do appreciate your thoughts and prayers!

  7. Hi Gwynn: Be gentle on yourself. You’ve been through a lot. I share my writing cave with my husband (who is also not well), and two snarling cats. To make it more my creative space, I place paintings of my favorite images on the wall in front of me. The window is open to allow natural light and the sounds of birds singing. In between breaking up cat fights and my own bouts inertia, I write. Once you heal over the losses you’ve suffered, your writing gene will spring to life. It’s inevitable. Blessings

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Thanks Feather! You definitely understand what I have experienced. I have a wall of books beside me and the front windows behind me. Sadly, I wear hearing aids so I can’t hear the chirping birds, but they ARE outside our front door that we leave up during the summer. I surround my desk with affirmations and pictures of my grandkids. My desk is lovely, but for some reason, I’m not connecting. I don’t feel the serenity or love of nature that I used to feel. I guess I simply need to acclimate to my new home. Life is very different in a small apartment. I keep finding excuses and it is critical that I take care of my physical and mental health too, so I escape the apartment with any excuse I can come up with during the day. I think you are correct, in that I will adjust, but it sure DOES take time. I tried to make my environment as pleasing and homey as possible so I’m surprised at my reaction. Somehow I am very discouraged… I need to change my mindset. Thank you for your BLESSINGS and support!

  8. Susan Scott says:

    Well done Gwynn you WROTE it in spite of being discouraged. As you say determination is inherent in them thar genes and this will get you a long way. You inspire us all –

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Thanks Susan, as you are such a delightful and kind friend. Actually, you and your road trips and the work you do on your books inspires me. I don’t know how you are so tremendously productive. Plus, I’m dying of curiosity to hear when your book about Aging and Becoming comes out. With my caregiving, I’m wondering if you added that chapter too.

      Yes, somehow I have to settle in and feel comfortable in our apartment. Plus, a few of the shops where I walk are closing, so my friends there are disappearing. CHANGE definitely has arrived and I need to figure out how to deal with it. Life IS interesting, for sure. Thanks for your support, as I truly appreciate you!

  9. Ashen Venema says:

    Collectively, 2016 seems packed with difficulties – turmoil, obstructions and changes.
    The general mood does not ease the feelings of our particular situation, quite the opposite (I’m recovering from stressful 6 month,) but it helps my sanity to remember the collective agitations in which my personal feelings swing about.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Yes, Ashen 2016 adds up to a “9” year and in numerology that means ‘an ending.’ Consequently, change is immanent. Plus, as they say “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I’m surviving thanks to my fortitude AND my friends’ support. You have undergone a very tough year too and you are doing well too. We WILL get through this. The good news is that you continue your writing. I loved your post about the baby bird. Years ago, we had black birds build nests in the eves of our house, right over the holes. Invariably a baby bird would fall out. I tried and tried to save the babies, but some were way too young to survive. I take my hat off to you for your efforts! Thank you for your support. Continue to take care of you too, as there IS a light at the end of this tunnel. My prayers to you too!

  10. Gwynn, your sunny personality will prevail. Just go with what works for you. Laugh, rest, go for long walks, read, pamper yourself. It’s been a hard year for you and it will take time to fully bounce back. But you’re doing it, you’re writing. Love of story will push you to open that word doc and write. Keep going, my friend. You’re a true inspiration.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      I’m chuckling Silvia. I’ll write again after I scrape myself off the “brick wall” and pull myself back together again. In the book I’m reading, one character was physically abused. I realized that where I have not been physically abused, I have felt mentally abused simply because of all the caregiving I was blind-sided with doing for my husband, and not to mention some of the family dynamics.

      I have been continuing my walks and talking to as many people as I can find to chat with. I even get in some good laughing. Heck, now with only having one bathroom… our saying has become… “Go NOW, or forever hold thy Pee!” 😉

      Say, when does your next book come out? I can’t remember… did you send another book to your publisher? I need something to read! 😉

      I’m trying to plug along. Now I want to find someone so I can receive a nice massage. I could use with a treat! Thanks for your support and friendship. I do appreciate you! Hugs! Gwynn

  11. Gulara says:

    What an inspiring post, Gwynn. I love The Artists’ Way. It was my first ‘self-development’ book and I followed all the exercises religiously! I was in the middle of writing a PhD thesis and it kept me sane. I used to take myself on a date in the cinema, and I must admit, the writing flowed with more ease on the next day 🙂

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      I’m realizing that I have a LOT going on in my life, so as a friend mentioned, I need to give myself some space. Besides with dealing with my husband, now my hips are going out. My back is a problem too, so I’m trying to put Humpty Dumpty together… I just need to find that Super Glue!

      Also, not having “my space” for writing does make a difference too. I will eventually manage, but it will take some time for me to get the bugs ironed out. Thanks for your support too! It is lovely hearing from you.

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