“I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.” Anna Quindlen
“Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures.” Jessamyn West
“Books are not made for furniture, but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house.” Henry Ward Beecher
Recently in talking with friends we discovered a serious problem, in that our books had mysteriously overrun our homes. We realized an unknown fact…that our books were procreating … like bunny rabbits. In leaving our books alone in the bookcases at night, soon we discovered extra stacks of books on shelves, our desks, the floor, and any empty space available… overnight. So how did this happen?
To begin with, I am an avid reader of a variety of genres, so memoir, fiction, nonfiction, business, medical, religious, family history, and a little magic sit quietly in my bookcase… or so I thought. Now what I realize is that I have made a serious mistake as to where I place my books. I should keep the books separated by category and not mixed up on my shelves. You see my fiction books consist of historical and modern day romance, mysteries, true crime, and detective stories. However, I also have an interest in mystical subjects and magic as Houdini sits on my shelf too.
So due to this radical expansion of books around my house, I set-about finding the reason, as Sherlock Holmes was always my hero and favorite book. First, I set-up a surveillance camera near my bookcases so I could watch to see what hanky-panky was taking place in the evening when I was sound asleep. First, Reporting Technical Information started to take note of the happenings as Too Lazy to Work, Too Nervous to Steal was only interested in getting his Sleep till Noon.
Then suddenly, in the Blink of an eye I saw The Boys in the Boat, being young men, decide that Getting Personal with The Lady Risks All created Naked Heat and before I knew it I had A Season for Scandal on my hands. At the same time, I noticed Tightwads on the Loose battling Against the Storm while Writing Life Stories, so they didn’t notice The Pirate and the Pagan creeping up on them even though the pirates were heartily singing Departmental Ditties and Barrack Room Ballads.
Wouldn’t you know but The Dark Earl spotted The Innocent, so Against the Odds and The Games People Play she found herself In the Bed of a Duke. Tarzan the Terrible Seduced The Otter Spirit in the Hot Rain during A Walk in the Woods and discovered that the Innocent was Insatiable.
On the other side of my room Don Quixote was busy singing Songs of the Soul while Enchanting Lily with Pearls of Wisdom when sitting on Folly Beach. But Don didn’t see King and Maxwell sneaking up with The Black Box with the intent to Kill Alex Cross. However, The Three Musketeers brought in 179 Ways to Save a Novel and during the Cross Fire while Doing Work You Love changed Alex Against the Odds into the Reluctant Suitor pursuing An Old Fashioned Girl through Temptation and Surrender. But being an old fashioned girl she said, “When I say No, I Feel Guilty.” Now being In the Arms of a Stranger Lord Vanity wickedly purrs, “I Believe You’re Mine!” The old fashioned girl never believed she would Desire a Wicked Duke while wandering around in The Museum of Innocence.
So here I thought that when I turned out the lights in my house and peacefully trudged up to bed at night that the books would rest peacefully in their place on my shelves. Little did I know how the various genres would interact with one another while alone in my bookcase. I now understand how my books managed to multiply so quickly. Be warned as to the shenanigans that happen when you leave your books alone at night, as the quiet Abraham Lincoln, A History could turn into A Rogue by Any Other Name!