It is February 3rd, 2016 with my first post for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, hosted by Alex Cavanaugh. My friend, Patricia Anne Pierce-Garcia Schaack invited me to join. I have a feeling I’m going to learn how to adjust my backbone here.
“It isn’t like a big thing of, you know, you gotta take a thunderbolt and throw it at Zeus, except every once in a while, but that comes on its own. Zeusie and thunderbolts come on their own; you can’t call them up. They’re products of circumstance, and time, and history, and yourself, and your metabolism, and your love affairs, and your money, and your lack of money, and your food, and your drugs, and your shoes, and your Brooks Brothers, and your Empire State Building, and the winter snow, and your mother’s living death, or something. So you can’t combine all those things on your own. You have to wait for nature to throw up a great wave.” Allen Ginsberg
“Inspiration cannot be willed, although it can be wooed.” Anthony Storr
My friends encouraged me to join the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. I find it hard to believe that anyone out there could be more insecure than I am about my writing. I suppose I’ll find out.
Frankly, I never thought of myself as a writer. I love to read, but write… nahhhhh. However, I DO love creativity. I used to sew, knit, do cross-stitch, embroider, make hook rugs, paper flowers, and create! I love music so I danced and did synchronized swimming. But life keeps flicking its’ tail in my face, so it is time to acknowledge my experiences… good and bad so I can cleanse my system. I love learning new subjects, so here is my opportunity. One problem… I’m a devout perfectionist! This is a trait I learned from my critical and judgmental family… so now I have to deal with these habits too.
Right now I feel like I have fallen into a bleak, black hole. My husband had a serious surgery and I’m playing Nurse Wratchett. I’m stressed and angry. I didn’t expect old age to be like this… ok, NOW you tell me! I thought I wanted to write about interesting, informative, and fun subjects, except how do you do that when you are SO angry that it looks like a stream of burning coal wafting from my ears?
However, in talking to friends I’m learning that I’m not the only one to feel angry and scared when you have a seriously sick spouse on your hands. The feelings go along with age and illness. PHEW!! One starts thinking about the dreams and hopes we carried in our hearts, but now realize these visions will never come to fruition. This is part of the anger I feel with my husband’s serious illness. Realizing and identifying the frustration that is rushing through my brain, like a flash flood, helps to start dry up the waters as the sun starts to peak out from behind the bleak clouds. Then I feel the release of emotion from my system.
So now I have a group of friends who have pulled my brain out of the grave so that I can go laugh and enjoy life. Now, if only the rain outside my house would stop!
Now, this is one of my many excuses for not working on my blog. I would love to write a book about my brother, but he didn’t write enough details about his life, and his life was quite different from my boring life. Everyone suggests I use my imagination… what imagination? Do you see a pattern here… me too. Now you see why I joined the Insecure Writers’ Support Group. Boy, am I looking for your support too!