“I envy those unhappy from their birth,
“For to be bred and seasoned in misfortune
Is to be iron to it,
But there is something in the pang of change
More than the heart can bear,
Unhappiness remembering happiness.”
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Harper Lee
“United we stand, divided we fall.” Aesop
Yes, being married to a Type A personality has been a serious challenge for me. Quite a bit of the time I have been so frustrated that I wanted to WHAP him with my marble rolling pin. I totally understood the goals my husband wanted to accomplish and supported them, yet something was really wrong with our relationship. Maybe the reason was the fact that I’m wife #4. A lot of emotion can be lost between #1 and #4.
I work very hard at making and keeping myself happy. It seems I have a lonely relationship. And then the excitement happened… as at Christmas I had to call 911 and watch the ambulance take my husband away. Questions and worries whirled through my mind. Is this going to be the end of my unhappy marriage? What happens next?
Fortunately, the doctors at the hospital discovered that my husband had a serious hiatal hernia looped around in his stomach and pushing into his lung making it difficult for him to breath. The surgery was successful, but the doctors discovered that my husband has extremely low blood pressure causing him to pass out when he stands up.
This added a new dimension to our relationship as then I needed to understand what he was experiencing and work with him to help him get well.
So from unhappiness I had to understand about my husband’s health and what caused his illness. As I understood more and more about his system I could work with him to help him become well. It is incredibly frightening watching my husband pass out; and it is equally frightening and painful for him. He has damaged various parts of his body due to his falls.
I learned that he was afraid to try more ways to get well as my husband had never had surgery before. But I have! I know how long it takes to get well. I understand the pain and weakness, and the fear. Therefore, I had to convince my husband that he would not get well if he didn’t make an effort to change… drive forward.
The more I talked to my husband about getting well, he began to understand his need for working at getting better. He now actively walks laps up and down our tiny cul-de-sac in the morning and the evening. Little by little his strength is returning. I also forgot to add that since he is walking a mile in new shoes, his personality is changing. He is working with me instead of against me.
We are building a foundation by working together… helping one another out… communicating. Plus, he is learning to change his habits and become more healthy in the process. Heck, he is even acknowledging his mistakes.
The more we communicate the better we work together. Unity gives us strength. Working together reminds me of years ago I crewed on a Hawaiian Outrigger Team. As long as our crew worked together we became strong and fast. Or if there were days when one of the crew was out of sync we worked against one another and the outrigger slowed down. This is a perfect example of what happens when a couple communicates and “pulls together” as then you accomplish great things.
We still have lots to learn. Our vision is to get my husband well and make his business productive… PROVIDED we work together. This coming week we return to the surgeon to learn if my husband’s surgery is completely healed, or what we need to do still to accomplish his full health. However, he won’t achieve health if we don’t work together. So we are working at communicating and sharing more and more so that our minds nearly act as one. We have progressed from unhappy to understanding to unity. It is a long journey, but you know what… NOW, We are One!!!