U = Unhappiness / Understanding / Unity

U

“I envy those unhappy from their birth, 

“For to be bred and seasoned in misfortune

Is to be iron to it,

But there is something in the pang of change

More than the heart can bear,

Unhappiness remembering happiness.”

Euripides

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”  Harper Lee

“United we stand, divided we fall.”   Aesop

 Unhappy

 

Yes, being married to a Type A personality has been a serious challenge for me.  Quite a bit of the time I have been so frustrated that I wanted to WHAP him with my marble rolling pin.  I totally understood the goals my husband wanted to accomplish and supported them, yet something was really wrong with our relationship.  Maybe the reason was the fact that I’m wife #4.  A lot of emotion can be lost between #1 and #4.

I work very hard at making and keeping myself happy.  It seems I have a lonely relationship.  And then the excitement happened… as at Christmas I had to call 911 and watch the ambulance take my husband away.  Questions and worries whirled through my mind.  Is this going to be the end of my unhappy marriage?  What happens next?

Fortunately, the doctors at the hospital discovered that my husband had a serious hiatal hernia looped around in his stomach and pushing into his lung making it difficult for him to breath.  The surgery was successful, but the doctors discovered that my husband has extremely low blood pressure causing him to pass out when he stands up.

This added a new dimension to our relationship as then I needed to understand what he was experiencing and work with him to help him get well.

Unhappy1

So from unhappiness I had to understand about my husband’s health and what caused his illness.  As I understood more and more about his system I could work with him to help him become well.  It is incredibly frightening watching my husband pass out; and it is equally frightening and painful for him.  He has damaged various parts of his body due to his falls.

I learned that he was afraid to try more ways to get well as my husband had never had surgery before.  But I have!  I know how long it takes to get well.  I understand the pain and weakness, and the fear. Therefore, I had to convince my husband that he would not get well if he didn’t make an effort to change… drive forward.

 understanding

 The more I talked to my husband about getting well, he began to understand his need for working at getting better.  He now actively walks laps up and down our tiny cul-de-sac in the morning and the evening.  Little by little his strength is returning.  I also forgot to add that since he is walking a mile in new shoes, his personality is changing.  He is working with me instead of against me.

understanding1We are building a foundation by working together… helping one another out… communicating.  Plus, he is learning to change his habits and become more healthy in the process.  Heck, he is even acknowledging his mistakes.

 Unity

The more we communicate the better we work together.  Unity gives us strength.  Working together reminds me of years ago I crewed on a Hawaiian Outrigger Team.  As long as our crew worked together we became strong and fast.  Or if there were days when one of the crew was out of sync we worked against one another and the outrigger slowed down.  This is a perfect example of what happens when a couple communicates and “pulls together” as then you accomplish great things.

 Unity1

 

We still have lots to learn.  Our vision is to get my husband well and make his business productive… PROVIDED we work together.  This coming week we return to the surgeon to learn if my husband’s surgery is completely healed, or what we need to do still to accomplish his full health.  However, he won’t achieve health if we don’t work together.  So we are working at communicating and sharing more and more so that our minds nearly act as one.  We have progressed from unhappy to understanding to unity.  It is a long journey, but you know what… NOW, We are One!!!

 unity2

 

 

 

 

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About Gwynn Rogers

After 20 years of sales and marketing experience in the fields of real estate, high tech, and corporate travel, Gwynn has moved on to the career of “Grandma.” When not teaching her granddaughters an extensive vocabulary of “alley-oop-boop, ups-a-daisy, cowabunga or bummer”, Gwynn can be found hunting for mentors for the Kitsap Youth Mentoring Consortium, or chasing her fantasies on her treadmill. Gwynn currently freelances for magazines.
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12 Responses to U = Unhappiness / Understanding / Unity

  1. Susan Scott says:

    It’s been a steep climb Gwynn, I admire your grit and determination. Strange how it often takes a life threatening experience to happen for us to realise what is of value in life. I’ll be catching up on your past posts as soon as I can …

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Yes, Susan, as I told Pat, it only took us 20 years and my husband’s serious illness for us to start working together. It is a slow process, but better than it was!

      Welcome Home!!

  2. pat garcia says:

    Gwynn,
    I love your quotes and also the description of your passage. You’ve both come a long way.

    Visiting from the A to Z Blog Challenge.

    Shalom,
    Patricia @ EverythingMustChange

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      The biggest benefit to us was my husband’s illness, as he learned that he HAD to change. He also has to learn to listen… tough for him. Geez, it ONLY took us 20 years to do this! 😉

  3. As devastating as this experience has been for you, it sounds as though positive things are coming from it. May it continue! The two of you deserve joy and happiness in your marriage, and when two people are working together, magic happens. All the best for his continued recovery.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Thanks, Nadine. A two way conversation works much better than directives. We definitely could benefit from some magic too and hopefully it will be there too. So far the magic has been in small blessings, so I will take what I can get. I hope your move is going well too.

  4. Gulara says:

    It’s wonderful that you are communicating and working together, Gwynn. It’s better late than never. This obstacle turned you into allies. May your relationship deepen and grow from here on.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Sadly, our marriage has been pretty dysfunctional, but two-way communication definitely is improving the situation. Thanks for your wonderful words and your support.

  5. Absolutely, Gwynn. Truly understanding is better than quick knowledge, or limited knowledge. Communication is vital, so glad you are communicating. Eventually, we come to realize that those close to us want our very best, and we must really try. Sounds like it’s happening, and that is awesome.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      My husband’s illness and weakness have truly helped. Plus, the tragedy of his business NOT doing well is eye opening to him… “OH, MAYBE I don’t know everything!” Both of us have our faults. I stopped trying to get through to him and he is NOT open and doesn’t share. Now, things are going better. I hope it continues this way.

  6. Perhaps if your husband weren’t wearing new shoes walking would be easier…? Oh, you meant that metaphorically. Seriously, a steep climb, as Susan says.

    You are very brave, Gwynn, and this story is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Yes, my husband is learning about walking that mile in someone else’s moccasins. Hopefully, he won’t trip or slip in the process!

      Thanks for your compliment, Samantha. Life here HAS to change…it is starting.

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