“When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.” Henny Youngman
“The colder the X-ray table the more of your body is required on it.” Nicholas Cage
Let me tell you about the fun I had today, as I was the recipient of Myocardial Perfusion Imaging, better known as a nuclear x-ray of my heart or a “stress test.” First, I want you to be aware that men invented x-ray machines back in 1875. I think these machines must be related to the torture racks where people were drawn and quartered centuries ago.
You won’t believe this, but they were crazy enough to order me not to drink my daily green tea, nor could I have breakfast. Would you starve a lion or a grizzly bear… NOT if you are smart! So I packed my “snack” with me so I could eat later. Upon my arrival the technician showed me a special waiting room for me to sit, drink a minimum of four cups of water, and pace the halls to work the water into my system, since they had injected me with something to open my veins. I felt like an expectant mother walking the halls in attempts to encourage my little one into venturing into the world. To kill the monotony, I challenged another patient to a race as we quickly strode up and down the halls.
After a rigorous morning of waiting, drinking water, and walking, the time came for them to inject me with the chemical for my stress test. You will LOVE this. After being injected, manhandled with electronic devices all over my chest, and plugged into a blood pressure monitor, the technicians finally ejected me from the recliner chair. He sent me home with a note to TSA personnel saying: “Nuclear Cardiology: This patient had a Nuclear Medicine Procedure and may still have small amounts of radiation capable of being detected by radiation monitoring equipment. The amount of radiation poses no danger to the public and is allowed by NRC Medical use regulations.” Hmmm, I wonder if I glow at night? So, if I ride the ferry soon, I have to carry this notice with me! Now I have to worry about being considered a terrorist! This is why it is called a “stress test!”