How NOT to Hunt Moles in the NW

Amazingly, our Northwest legislature made it illegal to use bear traps and other traps in hunting as too many hunters were forgetting or abandoning these traps in the wilderness.  However, the funny part is that somehow mole traps were included in this legislation.  Since moles do an inordinate amount of damage to otherwise well preserved lawns, versus the wilderness, homeowners have had to get creative in trapping these varmints. Unfortunately, sometimes the homeowner, in their excitement to catch a mole, makes some knee-jerk decisions!

Now, you need to realize that moles can tunnel for approximately a half mile or more.  People get quite perturbed with the mounds that moles leave in their yard. One couple I knew, were told to use a sledgehammer on the mole mound as soon as it appeared, as the concussion would kill the mole.  Moles have a habit of appearing when and where you least expect, or want them, so most people won’t stand around holding a sledgehammer waiting for that pesky mole to make his appearance.

However, in this particular case a mole made the mistake of popping up in front of my friend, while gardening, and scared the living daylights out of her.  So when she frantically screamed for her husband to come quick, her over-zealous husband, ran and grabbed his shotgun. He thought the blast from the gun would be far more effective than a sledgehammer concussion in killing the mole.  Unfortunately, he was so excited when he ran over to the fresh mound of earth, that he rammed the end of the shotgun literally in the mole hole and pulled the trigger.  Just like in one of Yosemite Sam’s cartoons, the end of the shotgun split perfectly and curled back. It now makes a lovely candle holder on their mantle.  You will be interested to know that the mole survived! Fortunately, so did the owner of the shotgun.

Another mole hunter was not satisfied with his attempts to drown his mole by pumping the tunnel full of water.  So again, this landowner figured he could outsmart his especially pesky mole.  He owned several acres of land and a barn. The moles were ruining his pasture. He decided that since flooding a tunnel was ineffective, that surely pumping propane down the hole would take care of the mole. Second thought, he would really make sure he got that old mole so he decided to light the tunnel.  The resulting explosion managed to blow up his pasture, and simultaneously burn down his barn!  Now, that is what’s called leveling your pasture.

There are many alternative forms of mole hunting. However, these rascally creatures are so smart, I’m sure they are hiding in plain sight chuckling as they say “Na-nana-na-na, you can’t get me!”  I’m certain those pesky rodents are out there watching us humans make fools of ourselves as we run around with pitchforks stabbing tunnels or smashing mounds with sledgehammers. Heck we even attempt to throw firecrackers down the mole holes, and stuff cayenne pepper, garlic, castor oil and any number of other things down their mounds.  We will do anything in an attempt to frighten those varmints into the neighbor’s yard or any place but our own yard.

Moles are so smart, that I am totally convinced the moles have paid a lobbyist to sneak their traps onto that bit of bear trap legislation making trapping moles illegal!

About Gwynn Rogers

After 20 years of sales and marketing experience in the fields of real estate, high tech, and corporate travel, Gwynn has moved on to the career of “Grandma.” When not teaching her granddaughters an extensive vocabulary of “alley-oop-boop, ups-a-daisy, cowabunga or bummer”, Gwynn can be found hunting for mentors for the Kitsap Youth Mentoring Consortium, or chasing her fantasies on her treadmill. Gwynn currently freelances for magazines.
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11 Responses to How NOT to Hunt Moles in the NW

  1. Gwynn Rogers says:

    Thanks Louis, but you can thank my crazy friends for their mistakes. Thankfully, no one hurt themselves.

  2. Bill Jones says:

    And I kept that shotgun barrel snippet around for years as a specialty candle holder.

  3. Why that guy poured propane into the tunnel and then lit it, I’ll never know. With this mentality, it wouldn’t be hard to find a mole smarter than you.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Both gentleman made ENORMOUS mistakes, and at least one is lucky to be alive. Actually, I never did hear whether the guy that blew up his yard managed to get any of the moles in the process. Hmmm, do they make mole-skin coats?

  4. Penny says:

    Very funny. I have battled moles in my yard and prefered the hose down the hole method (which doesn’t work) but your friends ideas sound like a Tim Allen approach of overkill. Great stuff.

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