The Dangers of Logging in the Northwest

“You can live for years next door to a big pine tree, honored to have so venerable a neighbor, even when it sheds needles all over your flowers or wakes you, dropping big cones onto your deck at still of night. “                 ~Denise Levertov


Across the street, behind my neighbor’s yellow two-story house sits this humungous old Maple tree.  It alone stares in my bathroom window at me when I’m showering, dressing, and putting my make-up on in the morning.  Fortunately, for my neighbors across the street, my bathroom window is high off the ground, so despite the fact the window extends the full length of my master bathroom my neighbors cannot see in… except for maybe the top of my head.  Only their Maple tree shares my private secrets.  I won’t tell, if you won’t.

Usually, my day starts as usual with me quietly climbing into my hot, steamy shower.  I casually shower, dry myself off, do whatever else needs to be dealt with, dress, then put my make-up on, and dry my hair.  Since my window is so high, I never worry about anyone looking in to see me running around naked. But, maybe I should worry as I am quite tall.

However, I did learn that due to our winter storms that this massive Maple tree was dying and some of the neighbors near it were worried about the tree breaking apart to possibly squish their homes. Consequently, it was time to cut the tree down before it did any damage.

Now, on the one side of my house I have a young next-door neighbor, who is quite talented in numerous ways. One of his talents is taking down dangerous trees.  So the owner of the large dying Maple tree requested that our neighbor take down the old Maple tree before it fell on anyone.  But to my knowledge there had been no date set for the tree to be taken down.

One morning I was happily enjoying my nice warm shower. Finally, it came time for me to turn off the shower, dry off and conduct my morning rituals.  I was about to climb out of the shower when I happened to look up into the Maple tree.  What should I see but my next door neighbor slowly and safely climbing near the top of the depths of the tall Maple Tree with his chain saw attached to his belt.  Fortunately, he had his back to my window at that point, but I could tell he was about to turn in my direction at any second.  From the position my neighbor was in the tree, as he turned he would be looking straight into my bathroom window with an unobscured view of me standing their buck naked in front of my mirror, like a deer frozen in the headlights of the truck about to run it over!

My fear being, that if my neighbor saw me naked, he would either fall out of the tree laughing OR fall out of the tree from shock and scare.  Then how would I live with myself!  Somehow I had to escape my bathroom without my neighbor seeing me… but HOW?  I had to devise a plan of escape.

From his height in the tree, there was going to be nothing left to my neighbor’s imagination as he would be able to see nearly the entire inside of my bathroom.  Now I had to think carefully about my options for escape.  Option 1:  I could dive into my soaking tub, grab a towel and stay hidden in the bottom of the tub all day as my neighbor climbed around in the mighty Maple tree.  However, I would freeze to the bottom of the tub.  Option 2: I could jump into the soaking tub, slide along the edge of the tub under the window as a thief would do as they hid from the law.  But, I had a slight problem as there is a half wall at the end of the tub, which would prevent me from falling into the toilet.  I would not be able to climb over the wall to step on the toilet seat as it is rather wiggly.  I’d bet I’d fall into the toilet.  Besides THEN my body would be fully exposed in front of the window and I know I would shock my neighbor out of the tree at that point.   Hmmm, Option 3:  Hit the floor, drape my towel over me like a turtle in its shell, and crawl across the floor to open the bathroom door to escape into my bedroom to safety.

As I had to think fast, to me, Option 3 seemed like my best bet.  One catch… I had to grab my clothes off the bathroom counter and risk my neighbor seeing me.

So in the blink of an eye, I dropped to the floor, reached up to whisk my clothes off the bathroom counter, and did a Marine combat arm-over-arm crawl out of my bathroom to the safety of my bedroom. Or at least I thought I was safe.  Our outside stairwell wall has a big window that I suddenly realized is aligned with my bedroom door.  There in the tree, my neighbor could see through the stairway window into my bedroom, with me crawling across my floor toward the door.  I inched along the edge of the wall and prayed my neighbor could not see me as I grabbed the door and slammed it shut so that I could safely dress.

The good news… I didn’t hear any screams outside other than the saw cutting through the branches of the magnificent old Maple as it crumbled to the ground.  My neighbor was intact in the tree without knowing the life threatening hazard he nearly experienced, if he had turned around in the tree, to accidently look into my window to see me walk naked out of the shower.   Hmmm, maybe if he had seen me, I could lie to say that I had a naked Roman statue in my bathroom.  I wonder if he would believe me?  All I could do is pray that he didn’t ask to get a closer look at the statue!  Then what would I do?



About Gwynn Rogers

After 20 years of sales and marketing experience in the fields of real estate, high tech, and corporate travel, Gwynn has moved on to the career of “Grandma.” When not teaching her granddaughters an extensive vocabulary of “alley-oop-boop, ups-a-daisy, cowabunga or bummer”, Gwynn can be found hunting for mentors for the Kitsap Youth Mentoring Consortium, or chasing her fantasies on her treadmill. Gwynn currently freelances for magazines.
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21 Responses to The Dangers of Logging in the Northwest

  1. Kate Rogers says:

    I loved the story and wish you’d write more humor stories. You have found your niche, in my opinion, humble as it may be. Keep it up.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Hey Kate, THANKS for commenting! Actually, I am trying to write more humor. Hopefully, you had a chance to read some of my A to Z Bloggers Challenge as most of the stories there were humorous. SLOWLY, I’m figuring ME out! I hope you are continuing with your gorgeous art!! We’ll miss seeing you at the family get-together.

  2. Ha, Gwynn. Great story. A moving Roman statue, with nice, wet hair? Sure, he’d have believed you. 🙂 Of course, you could’ve frozen, one hand up pointing toward the sky or some point no one sees, just like a statue would.

    Thanks for the chuckle. You sure know how to write a nice, humorous story. (I hit the follow button, so will see what happens, but either way, I would not miss one of your stories for the world, even if I have to come in here and check on your blog once in a while. Will let you know if the follow button works. I should.)

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Hi Silvia,

      Sorry for the slow reply to your funny comment as I have been off in Portland for the weekend visiting my husband’s daughter and family. We had a wonderful time, but I’m SO glad to be home!

      I tend toward being a bit on the rather busty side, unfortunately; and as they say “What goes up, must come down.” So they have fallen and can’t get up. Plus, I’m 5’10” tall, so I would give my poor neighbor a view that would give him nightmares for the rest of his life. Thankfully, he didn’t see anything!

      Now, you understand why in the days when I was younger I had those traumatic experiences with men that I told you about. Thanks for being a friend, I so appreciate you AND reading your posts. I wonder what is different about your settings on your site than mine. I hope you receive this .

      Now the pressure is on for me to figure out something else to post. 😉

      • Gwynn, the reply didn’t come to me. Not that it has to, but you were probably wondering with that new button. Is your blog hosted by wordpress? I can’t tell. If it is, the ‘follow me’ button is under settings. Let me know, and I’ll go back to mine, see what the story is.
        Portland sounds great this time of year. Glad you had fun and are back to the comforts of home.

        • Gwynn Rogers says:

          No Silvia, my blog is hosted by MidPhase, so I’m having a terrible time getting my blog to work correctly, especially since I’m a techno-idiot. Infact, I didn’t even receive this comment from you and I wonder why?

  3. Patty says:

    Okay Gwynn, giving this ‘follow me’ a shot. Will let you know if it automatically notifies me. 🙂

  4. TJ Bren says:

    Hey Sista!

    Excellent job! Congratulations on your continued blogging. Always was a fan, but now I’m a follower too!

    Although, personally, I think you should have stopped and waved hello at your neighbor in the tree. Can you imagine how many trimming jokes you could have had?! (And the blogging potential!!!!)

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      TJ!! There you are… I thought you had stopped talking to me. I had sent an email that you never answered. I LOVE hearing from you. Hehehehe… I’m ROFLMAO!! My poor neighbor would have fallen from the tree screaming if I had waved to him in my buxom full-figured natural state. I like him and his family too much… I couldn’t do that to him!

      Thanks so much for reading my blog. NOW I’m hoping it will cooperate and do what it is supposed to… GULP… STRESS!!

  5. Anjali says:

    Thanks for the post, Gwynn. Great blog. I’m trying the Follow thing too. I will let you know what happens!

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Hi Anjali, Thanks for reading my story. I certainly hope that my blog does what it is supposed to do for a change and follows up with you. I had a friend come over and try to help me as I’m NOT technically oriented. Thanks for being kind enough to read my stories. Gwynn

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Hi Anjali, I responded to your comment and my reply POOFED into thin air! Hopefully, you receive this one. Thanks, so much for taking the time to comment and read some of my blog. Now, if only my blog will cooperate and work like it is supposed to. Hope to see you next Friday!

  6. Pat S. says:

    I loved reading about your dilemma, how you solved it, and the humorous way you shared it with the world. Though I don’t have one of my own, I’ve always wondered about those bathroom windows that threaten possible exposure. From your description I would have thought you’d be safe from prying eyes. Did your neighbor ever find out that you were a threat to his safety as he took down that tree?

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Yes, I asked my neighbor to warn me if he was taking down any more trees across from me as I didn’t want to see him get hurt. He nearly fell over laughing at me! The nerve! 😉 They are friends on Facebook too. I may post this and SHOCK him!! 😉 Now, I HOPE my blog works correctly and notifies you of my responses and any subsequent stories!

  7. patgarcia says:

    Sounds like you need to get curtains for your bathroom window. How terrible. I like the freedom also of being able to shower without having curtains at the window.

    Had to laugh at your neighbor climbing the tree unaware of the torture he was putting you through. Here in Germany, you cannot cut down a tree without getting permission from the municipal authority over your county. It is a silly rule, but it helps keeps old trees living.

    I enjoyed your story.


    P.S. I did sign up for your blog directly after your reflection posting but this new article did not come directly in my mailbox nor did I receive a reply to my comment on your reflection posting. I will sign up once more and let you know what happens when you post again.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Hi Patricia,

      Sorry for my slow response as I was off in Portland for the weekend visiting John’s daughter and family.

      Now that the tree is down I don’t think I’ll have any other problems unless some other logger ventures up my other neighbor’s trees, but I think, AND hope that the angle is wrong for them to see in. Truly, I doubt anyone can see more than the top of my head. I also do have an artificial plant in the window, but it would not have saved me in this one particular instance.

      Ok… I HOPE my blog notifies you at least of my response. I guess NOW I have to figure out what else to write too, Huh? Thanks for your support!

  8. Susan Scott says:

    Hello Gwynn and thanks for the laugh! You know how to build tension and you had this reader right there alongside you .. I could feel the cells whirring away in my head wondering how to get out of this dilemna. (Unsure of dilemna – singular?). Maybe check out for other tall trees and ‘unknown’ branches? You never know who could next be climbing with you quite unawares … unless you shower with your clothes on?
    Am pleased you have a follow button. If you comment back I ‘should’ receive it automatically?

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      I sure hope you received my response and that my blog cooperates by notifying you of subsequent stories. I guess I have to get busy and figure out something else to say… PRESSURE!!! 😉

      Hey… maybe I SHOULD consider showering with my clothes on! Although, NOW that the Maple Tree is gone, I don’t think the other trees are of an angle to expose me to any other tree huggers!

      Thanks for commenting, Susan!

  9. This is hilarious, Gwynn; and as Susan says, you really know how to hold the tension, keeping the reader right along side you all the way.

    The image of you standing naked in the toilet is especially amusing, should you have fallen in.

    The hilarity in your humor is that it is so visual. Keep it up.

    I wish we had a law here as they do in Germany (per Patricia) — we could make it a town ordinance — that states you must get a permit to chop down a tree. For starters, this is why so many people live in Ohio: the early settlers chopped down all the trees to build their log cabins and make their fires, in what was once forest here in Delaware, Pennsylvania and Maryland, so the settlers had to move west to Ohio. Preserving the trees is why Germany has so many venerable old-tree forests.

    I already have been receiving your posts in my email, just not your replies. I will click on the “Follow Me” button here and see what happens.

    • Gwynn Rogers says:

      Hi Samantha, sorry for the slow response to your comment as I have just returned from Portland, Oregon to visit John’s daughter and family. It was wonderful seeing them, but I’m SO glad to be home!

      Actually, depending on where you live, here in Washington, you do have to have permission to remove a tree. It usually has to be considered a “danger” tree, as this one was, since it was in the process of dying. Insurance companies prefer one removes the tree rather than dealing with a flattened house or car, as often happens up here.

      Now, I sure hope that my Blog cooperates and notifies people of my new posts and replies. I have my fingers crossed. Thanks for commenting! I do appreciate you!

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